00:00:00 They say teenagers are going to be the next generation that's going to hit hard.

00:00:20 I think that just because you're young, you can't get it because you can't.

00:00:30 But like me, most kids think in order to be high risk, you have to be using needles or being gay. And it's not true. I wasn't gay and I didn't use needles and I caught AIDS.

00:00:50 I think American teenagers today, because of the drugs and the alcohol issue and the AIDS issue, I don't think you're trusted enough. I mean, I really feel deep down in my heart that if we give you the right information and you've got that, I absolutely feel assured you'll make the right decisions for yourself around all these issues.

00:01:10 And all these issues lead one place, to AIDS.

00:01:24 My name is Ginger Smiley and I work for the health department. I'm a health educator. We're going to be doing a four-part educational program on AIDS. And this is a special program. We're going to have two gentlemen come into the classroom who are people who have AIDS.

00:01:43 And they're going to talk to you about what the disease has done to them and what it has meant for them in their lives.

00:01:50 Do you know who you contracted it from?

00:01:52 I have no idea.

00:01:54 I would love to blame somebody. I would love to take that person and go, how could you do this to me?

00:02:00 I contracted the disease through sexual contact with a girl. I contracted it from not using a condom.

00:02:12 I was doing unsafe sex and I wasn't listening. So it's really nobody's fault but my own.

00:02:22 I really get mad at myself for being so eager to have sex with someone.

00:02:33 When I first heard about AIDS it was like, all that I'd seen in the newspapers were gay, white, male, you know, has AIDS.

00:02:44 But we know now that everyone has it, like older people, younger people. Not only gay people have it.

00:02:50 A person with AIDS looks the same as anyone else.

00:02:53 You think so?

00:02:54 Maybe a little skinnier.

00:02:55 How do you know they have AIDS? I mean, you've never seen them before so you don't know.

00:02:59 AIDS doesn't discriminate, regardless of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, or age.

00:03:08 AIDS can be got in a number of different ways, such as sex, any kind, or IV drugs.

00:03:16 Friends or strangers, if they both share needles, then they just get AIDS.

00:03:22 Do you feel if you went and became gay and you would have stayed straight, that you would have had a better chance of not catching AIDS?

00:03:29 Actually, as a gay person, I'm probably safer around AIDS than you are.

00:03:33 Because we've educated ourselves as a community. We have tons of education. This is all about our education.

00:03:41 I grew up in a house full of men. I had three older brothers, and my father, and then my mother.

00:03:49 And having four older men in my house, not one of them ever showed me a condom or ever talked about a condom.

00:03:58 It was like the first time I knew about a condom was in the schoolyard, right? Blowing balloons with them, right?

00:04:05 That was what I was taught.

00:04:10 My first encounter, all it took was just that one time. I used no protection.

00:04:21 I think people are too entwined with the heat at the moment. I mean, I know there are a lot of people that do take the necessary precautions,

00:04:26 but there are a lot of teenagers that are out there, and it's more important to them to get laid than to, you know, slip on a condom. And that's true.

00:04:36 I think if somebody was really wasted on a Saturday night, they wouldn't be worrying about getting AIDS and having safe sex.

00:04:44 You could save a hundred people's life with one condom, you know?

00:04:49 Because if that person didn't use a condom, he would have contracted it, not knowing he contracted it for a while.

00:04:56 We gave it to somebody else, we gave it to somebody else, we gave it to somebody else, you know, so on.

00:05:02 So just one 90-cent condom, it isn't cool to have unsafe sex at all, man.

00:05:09 It's just like, do you want to go kill your friends? Do it, you know? I don't want to kill mine.

00:05:16 Did you feel devastated when you found out you had AIDS?

00:05:21 Yeah, I was devastated. I was more than devastated. How about you?

00:05:25 I was numb to the whole thing. I didn't expect it to happen, and I just didn't feel anything.

00:05:32 I didn't feel scared, and I didn't feel... I felt lonely.

00:05:36 I felt like nobody else could understand what was going on around me, and I didn't know who to share it with.

00:05:44 As far as being able to go to anyone, I felt that there was no one I could.

00:05:50 So to deal with it, I didn't think about it.

00:05:55 I've got to have somebody there to talk to, and someone to keep my mind off of my own thoughts.

00:06:04 If I'm alone, I think too much, and it gets me really depressed.

00:06:09 And you don't worry about it, you know? You don't worry about it when you don't have it,

00:06:13 but when you have it, it's the worst thing in the world.

00:06:16 It doesn't get worse than this, you know?

00:06:19 Every day, it's like, sometimes you just don't want to even live.

00:06:25 You just don't. It's too scary.

00:06:32 People that know that you have AIDS, do they go around treating you like a person, or an animal, or like your handiwork?

00:06:39 It differs from one to another. Right now, I'm fighting for the most part.

00:06:42 People are pretty nice to me, for the most part.

00:06:45 I don't know, it's just like the thought of being around someone who has it, it scares me.

00:06:51 It's kind of hard to tell someone about it, because you don't know how they're going to react.

00:06:57 You don't know if they're going to accept you, or if they're going to be afraid and ostracize you.

00:07:07 When I found out about AIDS, I learned all I could find out about it.

00:07:10 And knowing Vicky has helped a lot. I mean, I learn more about it, more about it each time I see her.

00:07:16 But I knew that you couldn't get it from casual contact.

00:07:20 And it didn't scare me to give her a hug and tell her I was going to be here for her if she needed me.

00:07:25 The friends I have told didn't believe me at first, and then when they realized I was serious,

00:07:32 they were, you know, they had sympathy for me and all that, but they haven't come around since.

00:07:39 There was a hand over here.

00:07:41 Are you scared to catch a cold from anybody?

00:07:44 No, I don't bother. Some people run around with hankies over their face, and I couldn't care less.

00:07:48 I'm so mean a germ couldn't live in me more than five minutes.

00:07:52 I wake up sometimes in the morning, and I'll notice something different.

00:07:58 Like maybe I might have a bruise on my arm or leg.

00:08:03 And I'll immediately think, oh no, I'm getting ready to die.

00:08:06 It's a bad nightmare when you look in the mirror and you see things changing,

00:08:11 and you have to realize it and you have to face it.

00:08:15 I see, like, my eyes sinking in, I feel my face breaking up.

00:08:20 And when I think about it, it just destroys me, you know, it comes twice as hard.

00:08:28 I heard on the news that they wanted to pass a law to make it mandatory for pregnant women to be tested for AIDS.

00:08:34 And they tested me, and it came in positive.

00:08:39 Augustine was born HIV positive, so now we just deal with him being HIV positive,

00:08:47 and he'll stay HIV positive for the rest of his life.

00:08:51 Where's the button? Where's the button?

00:08:53 I'm afraid to watch my son die, and I'm afraid to die myself.

00:08:57 But besides that, I deal with everyday fears, and I just deal with them.

00:09:03 Since we both have AIDS, I try and make our time together special as much as possible.

00:09:15 Did your career end when you got AIDS?

00:09:19 It, um, how do I say it?

00:09:23 I was diagnosed with pneumocystis pneumonia, which attacked my lungs.

00:09:28 And, you know, I mean, it was like, you know, unbelievable.

00:09:33 I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

00:09:36 It took away my job. It took away my energy.

00:09:40 It took away a lot of things that I like to do. I was a teacher.

00:09:45 Before I wanted to go to college and have a career, I wanted to be a lawyer.

00:09:50 And now that I know I have AIDS, I thank God, you know,

00:09:55 eight years of school to become a lawyer is too long. I may not be here that long.

00:09:59 So I have to find a career that doesn't take so long,

00:10:03 or maybe I just won't have a career. Maybe I just won't become anything.

00:10:08 My ambitions before, uh, go to Hollywood and make it big,

00:10:14 uh, now it's like, um, I still do have that dream,

00:10:21 trying to be a bit more realistic about it.

00:10:25 Um, now it's just like I, my main ambition now is to overcome this

00:10:32 and to live a productive life.

00:10:36 I don't have nothing to look forward to. I don't know.

00:10:40 This summer I'm pretty sure is going to be my last summer unless they come up with a cure.

00:10:45 You find yourself hanging on for a cure, and if there was a cure,

00:10:48 how do you use it after you've gone this far?

00:10:51 I live every day to its max. I don't think about tomorrow.

00:10:56 I don't think about what happened in, you know, in the past.

00:10:59 I just live for today. And yes, I am expecting a miracle,

00:11:04 because it's going to be a miracle when they find a cure for this disease.

00:11:08 I don't know. They say five years, they'll have one that works.

00:11:13 But, uh, I'm not, I went home and prepared for myself, no.

00:11:18 I look at it like I got three months to a year.

00:11:22 You're so brave and down to earth. I mean, do you go home and do you get scared?

00:11:27 When I'm alone? You know what it is, you know what it is about being alone?

00:11:33 I really don't like to say this, but I mean, it's the truth.

00:11:37 I'm so afraid I'm going to die and there's not going to be anybody there.

00:11:41 I'm afraid nobody will care.

00:11:43 Dying is, it's a scary thing, and I don't think anybody can even comprehend death.

00:11:51 You know, I mean, you can't even prepare yourself for death.

00:11:55 I don't think anybody can.

00:11:57 And so it's constantly on my mind that I may die. I may die tomorrow.

00:12:02 My biggest fear is not leaving my mark in this world.

00:12:12 When I do die, I'd like people to look back and at least be able to say,

00:12:16 well, damn, he was, he was this, he was that.

00:12:20 He was something.

00:12:22 Instead of just going out, uh, I guess to quote unquote nobody.

00:12:29 When I get really sick or something, I like to make a film like Joe Brenner did.

00:12:34 You know, he said, don't smoke, I did.

00:12:36 And then it said his day that he was born and the day he died,

00:12:40 because he died of cigarette smoking.

00:12:42 I like to do one that says, don't practice unsafe sex.

00:12:45 Use a condom, I didn't.

00:12:47 And then they'd show my birthday when I was born and the day that I died.

00:12:52 My oldest son Arlen isn't aware that his mother and his brother has AIDS.

00:12:59 He knows something's wrong, but he doesn't know it's AIDS.

00:13:02 I mean, how do you explain AIDS to a four-year-old child?

00:13:05 Sometimes I wish that I could wish Vicky's disease away.

00:13:09 I wish I could wish AIDS away from the world because it's unfair to people.

00:13:13 No one really deserves to have this because no one deserves to die like that.

00:13:16 But Vicky is just, she's a real special person, and it's really, I don't think it's fair.

00:13:21 In August, he's a baby. He's not going to have a chance to even have a real life.

00:13:25 I keep hoping that he'll have a future.

00:13:28 I keep hoping that he's going to live to go through high school and get married and have kids.

00:13:33 But in the back of my mind, I don't think it'll go that far.

00:13:38 I don't think he'll live that long.

00:13:41 The time that he does have, he's going to get plenty of love,

00:13:46 and he's going to have a good time while he's here.

00:13:52 I realize that just because I do have it, that life doesn't have to stop.

00:13:57 I know there's some reason God has put me on this Earth

00:14:01 because I don't think he would have made me go through all the things that I have in my lifetime

00:14:07 to just die like this.

00:14:11 They say after you find out you're positive, most people only last 11 months.

00:14:16 It's been two years for me, and I'm still around.

00:14:19 Maybe I was chosen.

00:14:22 I guess the most important thing is that you don't need to go out of here anymore

00:14:27 and fear you getting AIDS or anybody who has AIDS, you know, a contracting disease.

00:14:35 I think you know a way of protecting yourself, or just to say, I'd rather not have sex.

00:14:44 AIDS is an equal opportunity disease, and it doesn't care where you come from or who you are.

00:14:50 It'll get you if you don't protect yourself.

00:14:54 If I could change anything within the last three years, I would change my attitude towards sex

00:15:02 because one of my big mistakes was confusing sex with love.

00:15:09 I figured by sleeping with someone, I could gain love.

00:15:16 I could receive love, and I could give love.

00:15:19 But it doesn't work like that.

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